Tips From the Ombuds on How to Disagree Better

Posted: 2026-06-19 08:00:57 Expired: 2026-06-26 08:00:57

Disclaimer: This news item was originally posted on 2026-06-19 08:00:57. Its content may no longer be timely or accurate.

As the semester ends and tensions can run high, NDSU Ombuds Kristine Paranica shares a few simple reset phrases and an open invitation to coaching for handling hard conversations.

In her June message, NDSU Ombuds Kristine Paranica offered faculty and staff a few tips on how to disagree better. As the semester winds down, tensions can mount even as you look ahead to a different focus over the summer. If there are things you need to say, or things you need to hear from others who are frustrated with you, a few simple acknowledgments can help.

Reset Phrases for Hard Conversations

When a conversation is going poorly, a little self-awareness can reset it. One example: “I’m handling this poorly. Should we take a break, or can I try again?”
The hardest part is not memorizing the phrases, it is recognizing in real time when to use them. The moment you feel yourself getting defensive, or realize you have just said something unhelpful, is your cue.
These simple acknowledgments can stop a minor problem from becoming a bigger one. Sometimes they are the difference between a conversation that damages a relationship and one that strengthens it. Choose words that come from the heart, not to deploy a technique.

Your Turn

A few questions to reflect on:

In what kinds of situations can you see yourself needing a reset phrase?
Can you imagine using any of these phrases?
If so, is there an adaptation that would help it roll off your tongue more naturally?
If not, what reset phrase would you feel comfortable using?

Support From the Ombuds

If you want to talk it through, the Ombuds can help you play it out to get the words and tone right through conflict coaching.
Even if you do not want to talk with the other person, a visit to the office can help you feel heard and understood and lead to clarity.
Take time to be outside if you are able, and focus on relaxing and calming your nervous system.

The Ombuds office is confidential, neutral, informal, and independent, offering conflict coaching, mediation, issue resolution, workshops, and more. Reach Kristine Paranica at NDSU Library Room 20C or 701-231-5114.

Please note: all contacts to the Ombuds are treated with confidentiality, but anything written in email is an open record. The Ombuds is not an office of notice, so contacting the Ombuds does not constitute notice to the university unless you ask the Ombuds to contact others on your behalf.

-- Academic Affairs: Haley Hamel